What Do They Have That We Haven't Got?
by JackBungalow
Summary: Pg-13 for mild swearing. About what happens when fans get out of hand...


fans

_Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7, Squaresoft, or any game developing company, etc. the only thing I claim ownership of is this fanfic, not the characters. Final Fantasy is the sole property of Squaresoft until they sell the rights to a different game company(If that happens god help us all....) and that's basically it. This is a humor fanfic written in about an hour because of an idea I had. You know, this probably would be better if I got my ideas in early/mid morning instead of 10:30 at night. Heh heh....now, on to the fic..._  
  
The streets of Costa Del Sol were quiet, peaceful, and empty. As the sun steadily climbed over the horizon it was apparent that it the day's future was nothing more than simply that of pure mediocrity. Or was it?  
Barreling through the streets were four panting, visibly scared young men. One, a finely tailored man in a white trench coat, red hair, and finely tailored shoes(if there is such a thing). The second, a scraggly red haired man in an unwashed, dirty suit, his face unshaven. The third, a melancholy man in his late twenties, eyes ablaze the color of fiery red, and a claw for his left hand. The third, a tall man in a black trench coat...ah, screw it! It was Rufus, Reno, Vincent, and Sephiroth okay!? Thank you!  
......*Ahem*...anyways, they were all running as fast as their legs would carry them. Why, you ask? You'll see...  
  
Sephiroth: they're gaining.....  
Reno: Sh*t!  
Vincent: faster!  
Rufus: we _can't _go any faster, we've been running for too long!  
Reno: Don't they ever get tired!?  
  
Over the horizon rose a big cloud-no, bigger.....bigger! Bigger fool!....DAMMIT! Okay, it was a _tremendously gigantic cloud of dust particles moving microscopically close together and you'll just have to imagine it, okay!? Good.  
_  
As the dust cleared, we can visibly make out hordes of screaming girls between the ages of twenty seven and six. Yes, six! You don't know how young a female can be before she starts going through this phase, do you!?(_NOT THAT ONE YOU NIMROD!)  
_[a/n: sorry , that was mostly directed at the boys(like myself for instance) who would stare at that last sentence and go ]  
  
Anyways...the girls could be seen wearing shirts depicting dialogue such as I love U Sephy or Marry Me Vincent! or waving signs that say much the same. And let me tell you, the four boys had been going through this long enough to know that if they ever got caught by one of the hordes, there would be no escape...  
They ran and ran, dodging barrels, etc. Getting shorter of breath. I'm sure we can all feel sorry for them in their current situation. But alas, not everyone did. Two onlookers, in fact, felt the exact opposite. From a second story balcony in the Hotel Cloud Strife and Zack......uh, Zack...yeah, Zack is good. Cloud Strife and Zack looked down with hatred and jealousy (and all that stuff....).   
  
Cloud: *fuming* It's not fair! It's just not fair! _I'm _the hero of the game, _I _saved the world, _you're _my best friend, and _they _get all the girls! It's just not _FAIR!  
_Zack: I know, but at least you get Tifa...  
Cloud: *narrows eyes* not since she joined the Rufus fan club last Wednesday. But you....oh wait, no.  
Zack: Huh?  
Cloud: I was gonna say that you had Aeris...  
Zack:...but you remembered that she's been the president of the Sephiroth fan club for about as long as we've known her?  
Cloud: yeah.  
[a/n: ^-^]  
It was at about this time that Reno tripped and fell on his face in the middle of the road. Frantically, he tumbled over and had seemingly banged himself up badly. After rising to one knee, he stretched out his hand and said*in dramatic self sacrifice fashion*:  
  
Reno:It's too late for me! Run and save yourselves!  
Rufus: *stopping and turning around* Reno!!!   
Vincent: we'll save you!  
Reno: _GO!!!!*_Fan girls mob Reno, he is engulfed*_  
_*sniff* regrettably, they went on, and thanks to Reno's noble sacrifice, they managed to hide in the building that, coincidentally, was also occupied by Cloud and Zack.  
Rufus: split up, it'll be harder for them to find us that way!  
*the fan girls have moved on and are heading for the building*  
Sephiroth: hurry!  
*all split up*  
  
Up in Cloud and Zack's room....  
Vincent:*bursting in, frantic crazy-type look in his eyes* You gotta hide me! You just gotta hide me!*grabs Cloud by collar* _PLEEEEASE!?!?!  
_Cloud: ......*evil grin* just a second, Vincent...*motions for Zack to come over to corner*  
Cloud: *whispering* This is our chance for revenge! We put Vincent in a hiding spot, and when the girls come we tell them where he is! They'll mob him, and he'll be dragged off...  
Zack: *whispering* that's a great idea! Heh heh heh, payback's a %^&@!  
Cloud: *turning back to Vincent* sure Vincent, we'll hide you....in the bathroom behind the shower curtain would be a good spot.  
Vincent: Oh thank you! Thank you so much!*frantically runs to the designated spot*.  
A few minutes later the mob of Fan girls entered, inquiring about the whereabouts of their little .  
Cloud:*BIG evil grin* (quietly)why, I believe Vincent is behind the shower curtain in the bathroom, he wanted to surprise all his fans, but this'll work just as well.  
Random Fan girl: Like, thanks! Come one girls, lets go greet Vinny Poo!  
*The girls head to the bathroom where Vincent is hiding*  
Vincent:*from inside* Huh? Who's ther-_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
_Cloud and Zack watched in amusement as Vincent was dragged, shirt nearly torn off, down the stairs and into a van where we can see Reno is already tied up.  
Zack: heh heh...come on, I think I heard Rufus earlier.  
Cloud: This is great, revenge is sooo sweet.  
Calmly striding down the stairs of the hotel, the two came across a small closet. If one pressed his/her ear up to the door, they could hear a faint breathing coming from the closet.  
Zack: *opens door, sees Rufus furiously trying to hide behind some coats* _Why Rufus, what are you doing in this closet?  
_Rufus: *frantic* Shhh! They'll hear you!  
Zack: _Who'll hear me? You mean your adoring fans?  
_Rufus: Yes, dammit! Look, I'll pay you five hundred gil to keep me hidden, ok!?  
Zack: *louder* _But your fans will miss you!  
_Rufus: Five thousand gil!?  
Zack: *very loud*_what's wrong, Rufus!?  
_Rufus:*hearing a large amount of footsteps far in the distance* Okay okay,_ ten thousand gil!!!!  
_Zack: *mischievous smirk* No deal. _HE'S IN HERE!!!!  
_Rufus: )*&%!!!!*tries to run, but the fan girls are on him like lightning*  
Rufus: _AAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!_*carried off*  
Cloud: Okay! That just leaves Sephiroth!  
Zack: Where could he be?  
The two would have a very tough time indeed. They searched high and low, but could not find the silver haired man. What had become of Sephiroth? It appears that he had hid in a very good spot indeed: He had in fact disguised himself as a bottle cap salesman and was sitting on the street corner doing the best he could to look normal.  
Sephiroth: *disguised as bottle cap salesman* bottle caps, get yer bottle caps here....  
Cloud: hey, wait...does that bottle cap salesman have silver hair?  
Zack: *squinting* yeah, he does...  
Cloud: hee hee...  
*a few minutes later*  
Cloud: Excuse me, Mr Bottlecap Salesman...  
Bcap Salesman(Sephiroth):Eh?  
Cloud: I have a few young ladies here who would love some bottle caps...*grin*  
Sephiroth: Oh, wow, that's gr-*looks up to see the customers*-oh crap....  
And Sephiroth was gagged, tied up and carried to the van where his friends were in the same position. The van drove off with all the fan girls safely aboard. And in the distance, if you looked right, you would see the outline of two people giving each other a high five.


End file.
